Ask any senior here in Oklahoma City, OK, and they'll tell you that life is full of ups and downs. That's why aging together and forging strong emotional bonds in senior years is about learning to take the good with the bad. According to Focus on the Family Australia, traditional marriage vows reflect this wisdom when the young couple commits to being there for each other, pledging, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."
During the carefree days of young marriage, this part of the traditional marriage vows isn't so relevant, but in old age, they become an essential rule.
Love in aging often means revisiting these vows in light of years of life experience. Here's some senior couples advice.
Honoring commitment is about more than just wearing a wedding band and avoiding infidelity. It's about maintaining a shared lifestyle that endures and adapts throughout every stage of your lives.
Retirement is among the most challenging of these shared transitions, because couples have to deal with the following challenges:
The shift into retirement means renegotiating what your relationship means. In the past, you might have had a marriage where one person focuses on their work and career, and the other focuses on household tasks, parenting, and playing the supporting role.
Naturally, this arrangement isn't sustainable in retirement. The career-focused person can't expect their partner to carry on as usual, sitting with their feet up while their partner runs around taking care of the house.
Successful senior marriages are those that stay true to their wedding vows by doing a role reset and having a respectful conversation about who handles what and who is responsible for each role.
It's important that each person contributes to the household and the relationship, and feels their responsibilities are fair and recognized by their partner.
When you're working, it's common to speculate with your partner about how much you'll enjoy retirement and what you'll do with all the time you'll have to spend together. Individuals used to a 40-hour work week are often shocked to discover that their idealistic vision of spending every working moment together doesn't quite line up with their romantic expectations.
According to Psychology Today, people often need solo time to recharge their batteries. Even the strongest marriages will crumble if you spend every moment together.
Retirement is the perfect time for picking up new hobbies, and these are often solo pursuits. For example, if someone wants to spend retirement getting through a lifetime's reading backlog, they'll quickly get annoyed if their partner wants to make small talk while they're getting into a good book.
It makes sense to create healthy boundaries. These could be both physical, for example, by designating a quiet reading room, or they could be figurative, with certain times on the calendar blocked off for individual activity.
A couple should also develop a simple signal to demonstrate their need for a quiet half an hour to recharge. Some people are more introverted, meaning they need much more time to themselves to recharge, whereas others are more extroverted and they thrive on conversation.
Often, marriages have one introverted person and one extroverted, but the friction of such an arrangement is never a natural problem because of full-time work and other adult commitments.
This doesn't mean that you're incompatible with each other because, after all, you've likely had decades of successful marriage at this point. Instead, it means that you need to renegotiate your role and figure out a schedule that works for everyone.
No matter how committed you are to your marriage vows, it's normal to argue more in retirement, especially during the first few years. Outside of going to college or starting your first job (times when most people are unmarried), there's nothing that upends your life more than retiring.
Here's how this transition can cause arguing among even the most peaceful couples:
One of the most effective solutions is a change in environment. Moving into a senior living community can help couples to address these difficulties in a supportive and enriching setting.
While traditional marriage vows state that couples should care for each other in sickness and in health, in the face of Alzheimer's or dementia, cognitive impairment makes independent living unsustainable. Spouses simply don't have the capacity to deal with these conditions alone.
You can't adapt to cognitive decline; professional support in a senior living community is the only solution.
The wisdom of marriage vows offers lifelong guidance, particularly during life transitions. Retirement is a new chapter to write together, guided by the vows you made long ago.
When the challenges of old age get too much, it might be time to consider a senior living community. Here at Morada Lake Hefner, you can let us worry about things like chores, housekeeping, and maintenance while you focus on your marriage.
For couples where one or both spouses are military veterans, we're proud to offer a military discount. New veteran residents receive 50% off their first month's rent each year.
Want to learn more about how our community can help you focus on your marriage vows in retirement? Contact us today, and let's set up a tour.